The Vehicle Vault From Hades

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Have you ever looked at an actual automobile and thought, "I should lift that"? Well, strongman competitors did, and then they built a special apparatus so you can do exactly that without wrapping your hands around a bumper. This is the car deadlift — the exercise that answers the question nobody asked: "What would happen if my deadlift had a midlife crisis and bought a sports car?"

The apparatus typically features neutral-grip handles, though some brave souls use a straight bar and approach it like a conventional pull. The device gets loaded with an actual vehicle, or tractor tires, or barrels, or whatever outrageously heavy objects are lying around the strongman venue. You stand with feet hip-width apart, bend at the hips to grab the handles, take a deep breath that could inflate a hot air balloon, and then lower your hips while bending your knees.

Now the fun part: drive through your heels like you're trying to push the earth away from you. Keep your chest proud, back arched, head looking forward, and begin the agonizing ascent. As the weight rises, squeeze your shoulder blades together and thrust your hips forward with the kind of aggressive enthusiasm usually reserved for charging bulls.

This isn't your gym buddy's deadlift — this is a full-body war that tests every muscle from your earlobes to your toenails. It's intermediate in name only; in practice, it's a gut-check that separates the strongman-curious from the strongman-serious. Lower the weight with control, catch your breath, and try to remember why you signed up for this.